Mystic Merse provides us with 10 Predictions for the new season

1
Ashley Young will continue to make numerous pathetic dives that even a ref with a white stick should spot but probably won't. He'll also (quite rightly) receive even more abuse than he did last season at all the Premiership grounds except Old Trollop.

2
Howard Webb may not be quite as bad as he's been in the past because word is that he was transferred to Arsenal as part of that Dutch chap's transfer. It's all a bit hush-hush though as you might expect.

3
Gareth Bale will hit the deck even quicker than last season with his new aerodynamic ears.

4
Podolski will be the most productive, effective and popular Arsenal number 9 since Alan Smith. Which if you think about it hard enough isn't that difficult.

5
That Dutch geezer with the glass ankles who used to play for us will get a very loud greeting (if he's not injured at the time) when Manure play at The Arsenal.

6
Abou Diaby will change the minds of many fans who've been slagging him off in past seasons (but you're still not sure if I'm winding you up with this one are you?).

7
Arsenal will yet again finish above Spurs in the League. (Although that of course is far more of a cast iron inevitabilty, rather than a prediction).

8
Some annoying little twat from a inbred two bob outfit will be non-complimentary about the mighty Arsene Wenger. He'll do this whilst wearing a baseball cap. (Once again that's more of an inevitabilty than a prediction).

9
Andre Marriner and Sir Chris Foy will be the worst referees to appear at The Arsenal this season, or anywhere else for that matter.

10
Arry Redknapp will be winding down a car window for an interview, which is a shame really because the interview will be for the managers job at a lower lower league club. And the director's office won't be a drive through.