Still purring after the Napoli game

It’s gone, done and dusted now but I’m still purring after that Napoli game. To put this latest win into some sort of context Napoli were 2^nd in Serie ‘A’ with a won 5, drawn 1 record which included an away win at A C Milano. They still are 2^nd in Serie ‘A’ of course, it’s just that they’ve now received a serious footballing lesson before their 7^th Serie ‘A’ game.

In the Champions League they’d already beaten Borussia Dortmund which currently looks pretty good on any Club’s CV. So surely Raffa and his boys were not exactly expecting to suffer such a total spanking during the opening fifteen minutes at The Grove. Then again neither was I expecting such scintillating football given that Wenger was playing an almost unheard of pair of holding midfield players and we were looking for all intents and purposes like we had a line-up set to finish the first half at nil-nil. Were we Chelski in disguise perhaps? Well obviously not, none of the crowd dozed off and what appeared to be a defensive line-up proved to be anything but.  

Before the game began Arsenal had shown some very fine form against a bunch of fairly classless Premiership teams plus that mob from the wrong end of Seven Sisters. However we had yet to show what we had to offer against a really decent outfit and Napoli were for me the first real acid test. If we could scrape a win from this one I felt our momentum would continue to build and we’d gain yet more confidence in what is after all had been an injury depleted squad of late. Instead of which we chewed Napoli up and spat them out and really looked to be serious contenders despite still being light the odd decent back-up centre forward so.

The Italians were restricted, in the main, to long range pot shots and we absolutely tore them a new one. So much so that all the rent-a-gob-two-bob TV pundits were reduced to turning a complete 180 with regard to their opinions on what they’d all been proclaiming to be a team in crisis only a few weeks back.

Just quite how Özil was already interchanging positions with other players in a squad he’d only met just a few days previously was all rather surreal. Probably only under Wenger could such interchanging even be considered at this stage of any player’s  introduction to his new Club. Then again quite probably only under a manager such as Wenger would such a class act even consider moving to a Club that wasn’t dripping in new money.  

It’s always seemed fairly obvious to me that the long-term plan was for a multi-functional and interchangeable midfield to emerge at Arsenal. But that will now be the norm I suspect. And with the new Ramsey currently emerging as the best British midfield player around anything is possible. Clearly our latest German was player of the match against Napoli, but not by a massive margin in my opinion, Ramsey ran him very close and Giroud was mega. Dennis only knows what it’ll be like if when we get both Özil and Cazorla playing together. Cazorla is probably the most two-footed Arsenal player I’ve ever seen bulge the old onion bag for The Arsenal, while Özil can play keepie-upsie with a piece of partially used chewing gum and nutmeg linesman for fun. His passing is clearly as good as Cesc, Dennis or Bobby. His left foot is as good as Liam’s and his vision is the sort of thing our next new centre forward can only currently dream about.

So we only won 2-0 against Napoli. But the fact is we made them chase the game throughout whilst controlling it almost totally, only very rarely on the back foot. They passed quite a lot but mainly backwards and sideways because we denied them the space. When we passed backwards or sideways it was because we had a two-goal lead and were effectively saying ‘If you want the f*cking thing come and get it you pussies’.

Not since the days of Bergkamp and Henry have I got depressed about having to actually wait to see the next Arsenal game. I’m currently depressed because right here and now we’re better than good, way better than good and I want the next game to be immediately after the last one.

Momentum is the key. Trust me it really is. It can be argued that we’ve still not played anyone worthwhile, that Napoli were over-rated, that Marseille are not all that and that the result of any game against the Spuds can go any-which-way. Which of course they can. But do I give a toss? No way Pedro. We have momentum. We have a real team that clearly enjoys playing together and all of whom are quite happy to work their rocks off in the cause. In fact if they don’t work their rocks off they probably won’t even make the team right now. We have a work ethic. We have a good mix of experience and youngsters plus those yet to peak such as Ramsey, Wilshere, Szczczczesny, Gibbs, Walcott and Özil, yes Özil. His best is yet to come.

Madrid you stupid tossers, what have you done?

We currently have serious competition for places in all bar two positions, and we need a steady keeper in any case. We have a manager that world class players want to play for and learn from. We have Germans. We have an Assistant Manager who has been there and got the t-shirts, lots of t-shirts. We have a home crowd who in my experience bear little or no relation to the vociferous and sometimes mindless minority on the internet. We have ignition. We have lift-off and in my humble opinion we don’t have a problem Houston.

Try not to laugh, but way, way back in December 1970 I already knew that it would be a truly momentous season, I knew from what I was witnessing and enjoying on the pitch. I knew that my team, the one I’d always supported forever but only seen win one trophy was once again the real McCoy at last or the real McLintock as we called him. Now I know it’s only early October in 2013 but this current batch really are the real deal believe me, and if you can’t enjoy what you’re seeing right now and don’t share the faith, then are you really, really sure you’re an Arsenal fan? There’s more competition from rich Clubs these days for sure and we may not win the double as we did back in ’71, but what’s not to enjoy? This current team, whatever their format or line-up really are 'the dog's proverbials’.

Believe me. Good times are coming. Trust me. I may be a boring old git but I’ve been there, seen it and got way more Arsenal t-shirts than Uncle Bouldie.

Enjoy this. Right here and now. Because if you can’t, or don’t I’ve really not got the faintest idea why you claim to support The Arsenal or even bother watching them.

The Adventures of Baron Bendtner - Mel Melis @melmelis

I read Nicklas Bendtner is our longest serving player. You might not believe it (I didn’t) but he bloody well is. If Amy Lawrence says it’s true, then it must be true.

Strangely he’s only 25 but it feels like he’s been around forever, he had an astonishing partnership in the youth team with Arturo Lupoli, but since then, including several stop-start loan moves, he has flattered to deceive. Why?

In 2010 after stacking his Aston Martin on the A1(M), he declared that he would become one of the greatest strikers the world. Perhaps he got a bump on the head, to add to the one when the odious Adebayor nutted him, perhaps he’s just been unlucky?

Despite his undoubted talent and self confidence, where his psychological profile results broke the methodology and made Pat Rice’s cherubic face red with laughter he hasn’t quite managed to fulfil the talent he has, latent as it is. I have no beef with Bendtner, in fact, when he’s on form and playing in the right position, i.e. as a centre forward, he can provide reasonable cover. He’s no Giroud in terms of playing with his back to goal or in terms of intelligent running, but he’s strong, his link play is good, has a great shot and attacks the ball when there’s a chance to do so. His international return is pretty impressive too with 22 in 55 games, many of those goals in big games. So what’s the problem? Why isn’t he “the greatest striker that ever lived”? - It’s just he’s had so many distractions in his life.... here are just a few of them...

 

Social Avenger

Bendtner played a key role in unearthing the cynical commercialism of UEFA when he was fined a staggering €100,000 for wearing his lucky green Paddy Power sponsored boxer shorts which he unveiled with a deft drop of the shorts after scoring for Denmark.

This was significantly more than fines for crowd trouble and racism dished out by UEFA. Was Bendtner a cynical toy of Paddy Power? Happy to take their money? Of course not, he wanted to unearth the stink inside UEFA and FIFA, the cartel of power hungry individuals running the world game.

Don’t believe me? Well, he’s been training for the pants moment for some years, as this incident proves, in Boujis of all places. Nicklas Bendtner, social avenger and investigate journalist.

 

King Bendtner

It almost happened. When Arsenal visited Buckingham Palace in 2007, the Bendtner plot was uncovered prior to the visit. The teenage Bendtner was shackled in the Tower of London following torture (by Jens Lehmann) after he admitted to looking for an opportunity to usurp the Duke of Edinburgh and marry her majesty himself. Since then he has learnt his lesson and dated a minor Danish Royal to get some practice in on matters of state. There is plenty of time to be a monarch once his playing career is over. They have since split, but Lady Caroline has had his baby, which means House Bendtner is on the heraldic ladder. Tsar, Emperor, King... one day *gleeful Blackadder wringing of hands*

As an aside, this youtube video of the Buckingham Palace visit shows that even when he’s trying to be sombre and deadly serious Eboue is even funnier than when he’s larking around. See intellectual expression at 1.45 and his staggeringly unnerving bow when he almost kissed the queens hand at 3.27. She was on verge of ordering his execution.

Below - Bendtner as King

 

Scandinavian Detective with Personal Demons

For this photo Bendtner inexplicably wore a very sensible woolly grey cardigan, perfect for those long winter evenings of perpetual dark when you are staking out the forest shack of a murderer whilst being haunted with regrets of the past. He looks every inch the plain clothes detective trying to blend in (unsuccessfully). Essentially he is a very shit Wallander (I know Wallander is Swedish).

The only thing worse than Bendtner’s cardigan is Snoop’s tee shirt? Snoop is about to jab his fingers into Bendtner’s eyes, then run away.

 

Northern Playwright

Bendtner has some new glasses. Look.

By wearing these glasses he is imbued with the supernatural power of Alan Bennett and writes witty and semi tragic plays of Yorkshire graft in the post war era. Instead of writing successful plays he could have been improving his football, but at least he’s been critically acclaimed.

 

The Way of Bushido

The observant among you will have noticed the little top knot bouncing jauntily up and down on the top of Bendtner’s head. Fashion? No, far from it.

Bendtner-sensei is skilled in the way of Bushido, after watching two episodes of the James Clavell adaptation of Shogun starring Richard Chamberlain (no relation to the Ox) he decided he wanted to improve himself, his mind, his body. He writes Haiku’s and elegant poetry, but he can also cleave you in twain with an elegant spin turn of his Katana. Here, in this poem, he rages against his misfortune, having proved himself Van Persie’s (wasp chew man of dishonour) equal, he is sidelined in favour of “Distressed Seagull” aka Chamakh.

Poem, by Nicklas Bendtner.

 

While they smothered your ankle with horse placenta,

What became of the warrior Nicklas Bendtner?

I scored the goals while you were broken,

But my tenure cut short, a mere token,

Discarded like the cherry blossom,

And I had to watch, white knuckled,

The distressed seagull,

floundering in an oil slick,

When the wasp chew man of dishonour,

Was mended, he re-Appeared, was revered,

Only to take his grey temples,

To the northern devils. Curse you Persie. You’re a penis.
 

 

Messiah
 

“He’s not the messiah, he’s a very naughty boy!” – Monty Python’s Life of Brian.

Oh, but he might be. There are tantalising glimpses... For example...

Poor Frimpong, I’ve cast him in the role of Harvey Keitel’s Judas in this, but sadly we couldn’t get tuppence for Bendtner to sell him to the Romans or any other team, never mind 30 pieces of silver.

So, without disrespecting my religious friends... differences between Bendtner and Jesus? Jesus was only crucified once. We’ve crucified Bendtner hundreds of times, he just shrugs it off.

Bendtner as Sailor.

No reason for this bad photoshop other than he reminded me of popeye, a little bit. I didn’t bother trying to draw anchors on his arms. Too fiddly.

Summary

So, it appears I’m lacing Bendtner and yes I am. But that doesn’t mean I’m not fond of him. In fact whenever he plays I root for him. I think most of us do. He seems to have adopted a humility, to work hard, to do his best for the team, he survived the cull of fringe players because his arrogance in pre-season marooned him, stupidly thinking he could cherry pick any one of six clubs. Rather than just leave him to fester once we realised we couldn't get another striker as we'd run out of time, Wenger thought of the kid with potential, he can help us. If we get a good few months out of him as cover, without distractions, then I’ll be happy. I don’t think his long term future is at Arsenal, but while he’s here, he can do a job. Good luck Nik, we’re top of the league, this could be your greatest adventure yet!

YouTube - Videos from this email

Created, written, researched, edited and everything else by Mel Melis @melmelis

Special Agent #ITK

I love Twitter, I find you can follow the people you want and you can soon learn if they have a similar interest and if you trust their writing, even just 140 characters of it. Most of the people I follow are based around The Arsenal; couple of players, mainly Mikel and Bac, purely for the pics of their respective wives, but mostly ordinary fans like me.

This close season though has become quite fascinating for one particular phenomenon. The tweeter who is #ITK. For those unfamiliar, ITK is In The Know, although I loved one guy who tweeted he was always #ITK at parties!

Now, we have all seen the growth of the internet and how if your first site visit is the Arsenal NewsNow page you will be bombarded with links to various sites all proclaiming that AFC have reached an agreement with Barcelona to sign Messi etc. Now, I don’t click on their bullshit anymore, having learnt some time ago that they were just “Click Whores” who only wanted hits on their site because it generated revenue for them. But I can see the reasoning in their method; they are making money and to be honest, they are not harming anyone, so if there are still lots of gullible fans out there clicking away, prepared to read their nonsense then so be it.

But this is what intrigues me about Twitter and the #ITK situation. What’s in it for someone who isn’t genuinely providing accurate information? So let’s have a look at the possibilities. Firstly, you have the genuine fan, someone who may have an ‘in’ at the club, so they may get snippets of info from their source that can be released into the general fan base. Their source may be acting without the club’s consent, so they will have to judge how much they can leak, without getting caught in a compromising situation that will risk their future. Alternatively, the club may realise what they can gain from spinning some stories out to the masses at certain times so it could be that the info is leaked with their consent and to their timeline (‘scuse the Twitter pun!) Question here is whether the tweeter knows which of the above is their supply line situation.

In both of the above, it always brings me to one big question. If you are genuinely told some info, that you know will be huge news to AFC fans, but by releasing it you could endanger a deal the club is working on;  the selling club may ask for more money or AFC could get gazumped and lose out altogether, then why would you release it? I don’t think you would if you really are a fan, but it would be really hard for me to not tell a few select mates if I knew Fab4 was at Colney on the treadmill.

Now the problem is that this also provides an out for any #ITK to use. It starts to remind me of mediums and psychics, who start to ask vague questions that will bring someone out of the audience for them to work with. You can hint at prospective signings by keeping an eye on reliable media outlets and journos known to be AFC friendly and those accounts on Twitter who you are generally considered to be reliable and not fantasists and then just adapting your words. When someone eventually signs you can reveal that this was what you were hinting at all along, but obviously you did not want to risk harming the deal by being too specific. #Clever.

Then there are those who are maybe just on a bit of a trip to Ego Central. Most of the top Arsenal #ITK accounts have thousands of followers and I would imagine a lot of that following is based on their reputation for providing reasonably solid (well as much as it can be on Twitter) info on player movements and commercial deals etc.  So if they are just bullshitters, why? What is there to be gained? There’s no pay per read of your tweets, so is it something to do with having large numbers of followers, some kind of kudos in that. As the old Twitter saying goes, “Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12!”

Then I guess there will be those who are just out to cause a bit of bother, stir things up and cause some friction. Strangely enough, I think these are the easiest ones to understand as we’ve all seen how ‘trolling’ works and have probably poked the tiger through the bars of the cage ourselves from time to time. Let’s be honest, with how things have developed amongst Arsenal fans over the past 3 or 4 years and the divides we have seen created, it is a fertile ground for those who could prey on our desire for top signings or proof that Arsene really is a parsimonious old fool who is ruining our club.

Rooney - fat little f*cker or new Arsenal star?

It must be said that a lot of these accounts come in for some dogs abuse due to their ‘inside knowledge’, so it’s not without its perils. It really does seem that a certain section of our fans are some of the most impatient people I have ever come across. There was a tranche of fans who gave it until at least noon on July 1^st before they claimed that Arsene, Ivan and Stan are not interested in spending any of the ‘warchest’ and we have been lied to yet again, which was obviously proof that the #ITK’s are all liars or worse still, tools of the state! Surely it is easy for us to just make our own mind up, after all we are supposed to be responsible adults. You don’t like what you read, you simply unfollow, it’s really as easy as that.

Higuain - will he sign for Arsenal or your fantasy team?

I would just like to finish by saying that I am as hungry for positive news on our club as anyone else. I yearn for us to sign Higuain, Rooney, Fellaini, Cesar and Williams and that desire leads me to being somewhat more gullible than I should be; it’s the hope that kills you! I follow probably a dozen Gooner accounts that mainly fall into the categories above, i.e. they provide snippets of information to the masses, with varying degrees of openness about their reliability. I don’t hang on their every word, but I do find it interesting to see what they hint at and I am keeping a very close eye on what transpires this Summer in comparison to what each of them is suggesting is in the pipeline. Come the close of the window I think I will be making my mind up about who is #ITK and who is #FOS.

Mark King

STRESS: Arsenal induced stress, de-stressing this summer and stressed out Totts.

Stressful game football isn't it? Especially so if you're a hard-core fan which I suspect most of you are. And anyone who still thinks 4th place or qualifying for the Champions League is not important or doesn't really matter too much should consider their own personal stress levels on Sunday 19th May. If you were really not stressed about qualifying for the qualifiers in the Champions League or finishing above the Tiny Totts then let's face it you're not a serious fan are you? Even our most negative Arsenal fans found it seriously difficult to handle, and so they should or they wouldn't be fans. But if anyone out there wasn't able to enjoy the outcome then I just feel really very sorry for you. All things are relative and being up against the Tiny Totts for 4th on the final day simply upped the anti.

Enjoying the outcome photo of the day

 Sunday 19th May - great wind-up pic by Jodie

 

I believe that the worst of our new stadium induced financial tribulations are now finally over and I believe this summer will see us kick on with about three major signings. But I doubt that these will include a mega name such as a Ronaldo, Bale or Rooney (a granny-shagging blob I don't want in any case). Just who would buy Rooney is big, big problem for United altogether should they really want to ditch him, and if they don't he'll be a major problem for Moyes - good. But I digress.

Before that even starts however we must firstly out all the dead wood - this would appear to be in hand with Arshavin and Chamakh but will be a difficult and protracted process with regards to the likes of Bendtner, Squillachi, Djourou, Park, Denilson and other long forgotten on loan players. Is Coquelin worthy of a squad place? Is Fabianski? Is Frimpong? Is Gervinho? All questions to be answered this summer. And what about Diaby you ask - yet another imponderable. Ruthlessness and expedience will be much in demand this June, July and August in moving players on, sometimes against their will, and will be far harder to expedite than moving any in. That said we still won't have CL football till we qualify which may mean yet more late arrivals making them more difficult to get up to full fitness and to making them fully integrated.

Difficult to know the real answer when you consider how many Arsenal fans initially got their answers wrong regarding their thoughts on the long written off Rosicky, the vastly under-rated Arteta, the clearly not-good enough Koscielny and Metesacker (their opinions not mind). The Ox was initially touted as just another too young youngster purchased when experience was required. Well he’s looking good to me as are the others mentioned above. Our squad is coming together, seems unlikely to be losing any quality other than perhaps Sagna and we have positive chances of added quality.

Stress has been the order of our season and its been another tough one, but I sense an increasing mood of optimism in the Gooner Nation and mounting despair at the wrong end of Seven Sisters Road. Should we show some compassion and spare a thought for all the overly distressed Totts smashing their heads against brick walls on Sunday?

Perhaps a more relaxed summer is on the cards than recent past seasons, at least in the red half of North London – I certainly hope so.

My only note of caution in the current North London is red euphoria is that we have only qualified for the qualifiers which doesn't as yet guarantee us a place in the Champions League. Will a pre-season tour on the other side of the world help our preparations? Certainly not. But such cautions are absolutely minimal in comparison to Thursday football and a summer of discontent, such as they will be suffering

Brian Dawes

Arsenal.con and fans

Arsenal.con have a promotion on their website at the moment which implies that becoming a fan somehow requires that you become a paid up Member. What abject rollocks. I've been a fan for about 56 years now and it has never required me becoming a paid up member of anything.
 

Being a Football fan is the one few things you can do from any part of the world for whatever reason at zero cost and become part of a greater family of like minded people across the globe. As it happens I became a fan because as a kid I was brought up less than two miles from the ground and because my Granddad was a Gooner long before that word was even coined. Some do it for family heritage reasons, others do it because they are introduced by friends, others just start to support their local team. It becomes a life long love affair between a man or woman and his or her Club. But it matters not why you are an Arsenal fan or from where you support our Club.

 

Real fans don't need to be paid up members and none of this lot were

 

I get the marketing concept due to the perceived need for massive international funding but it bugs me You don't have to purchase branded goods, attend games, pay for live televised matches or study daily updates from various media resources to be a fan. These are all optional extras and let's face it most of us suckers own replica shirts, or pin-badges, have a hoard of programmes, books, dvd's, t-shirts and all the rest. But you don't have to be a hard-core mental supporter and travel to every away game or go to every home game to consider yourself a fan. Although that said many of us do at some time in their lives if it is physically and financially possible to do so.

 

Being a fan is a state of mind and not a Red, Silver, Gold, Platinum or Diamond Level card holder.

 

So how do you know if you're a fan or not? Well if you're at all stressed about tonight's match and will be either at the match, following the match or looking for the result in near panic mode as soon as you're able you are part of our Great Gooner Nation. This even applies to all those Gooners who irritate you on the internet no matter how much crap they spout on websites, Arsenal groups or social media.

 

If you can't be at the game in person tonight for whatever reason I'll be there encouraging the team and going horse on your behalf. It's what fans do.

 

COME ON YOU GUNNERS - LETS HAVE 'EM
 

Brian Dawes @gooner48

Cybury Gooners

At the zenith of the last Millennium, scrolls were found that told the tale of a brave band of men, men who fought to preserve the honour of The Arsenal. In the year of our Lord 1995, from the humble beginnings of the Arsenal e-mail list, sprung a brave group of men who wanted to battle the hordes from other tribes; tribes whose inhabitants were still struggling with fire and wheels!

In November of 95, a battle was agreed between the tribe of Arsenal and the local neanderthals of Middlesex hotscum, and neutral ground was set as the arena. On that sunny day, superior tactics and calibre of soldier triumphed and the hordes from Middlesex were repelled, scurrying over the hills in retreat to their hovels to find some bins to dip.
From this first triumph, there came many more challenges, especially from the frozen wastelands of the North, as word spread of a tribe from Londinium, who were renowned for their skills in haute couture, wit and rapscallion cocksmanship. Pathfinders were sent forth, to evaluate enemy weaknesses and tactical acumen, before the invasion was launched.
Several attacks were repelled by the Northern hordes who held advantage of the terrain and knowledge of its secrets, but these were temporary victories, a mere flicker of light in the darkness. In 1999, The Arsenal launched a full on attack, assembling its finest collection of warriors, all skilled in the areas of combat required to defeat any enemy it came across.
At the end of 2 days of fighting, they stood alone on the plains of Leicestershire, unvanquished, victorious, as one!

The scrolls read of heroes called Melis and Richmond, Cohen and Lowry, names that even now the children of The Arsenal tribe are told of at night before they sleep, tales of bravery and comradeship!

They fought on, winning battles throughout the land, for several years, until at last they found that other tribes learnt from their skills and expertise and took advantage of their lack of refuelling points, until they were forced back.
They all returned to their families, tired and scarred, assuming false identities in order to protect those they loved. Taking up new professions as Blacksmiths or farmers, trying to forget their violent pasts, pretending the rage had died inside.
But there lingered a spark.

A tiny ember.

In each one of them.

Until the years had passed and each had forgotten past lives and glories. Or so they thought.

Then one day, a message came to them. Delivered by various means. From where it came, they were not sure, but the sender knew each and every one of them, knew what would add fuel to the fire, what would turn a spark into a flame, a flame in to a fire and a fire to an inferno!

So they trained, each of them in isolation, remembering past lives, skills thought long forgotten, feelings thought buried for eternity. How soon they remembered the old ways, the ease with which an opponent could be beaten, the pride taken at wielding their weapon of choice, besting any man sent to test their mettle.

They gathered. It was time they were told. Time to remind the world of their glory. Their time.

A few weeks from now, on a ragged patch of earth called Leeds, the Northern hordes will face obliteration!

Just there the barbarians will huddle, sheer terror gripping tight their hearts with icy fingers... knowing full well what merciless horrors they suffered at the swords and spears of 11 men. Yet they will now stare across the pitch at twenty Gooners, commanding two gazillion social media Arsenal fans!

The enemy may outnumber us a paltry two to one, good odds for any Gooner. But on that day we rescue a world from Fergusonism and tyranny and usher in a future brighter than anything we can imagine.

Give thanks men, to the legend of Cybury and the brave 11! TO VICTORY!

If you have been raised to fight for the cause of The Arsenal and possess the required battle skills and can march to the wastelands of Leeds for Sat and Sun 15th/16th June and have reached your 35th birthday without losing any important limbs, then join our band of brothers in a quest for glory.

If you are yet to reach 35 years, then we are assembling an army of younger warriors to train for an assault in 2014 on a secondary but larger target and will receive any interested applicants now, for advance planning based on this year's reconnaissance of the enemy and their younger armies!

For further tales from the Bard of Cybury or just to seek enlightenment on how to fight for The Arsenal, send your missive to internetgoonersfc@yahoo.co.uk

Join us and taste the glory of victory and wine drunk in remembrance of friends and team mates once more!

Keepers of the faith, never forget. We are The Arsenal.

Mark King

Manchester United South East Asia Supporters Club

 

By Mel Melis

As I write, Manchester United are powering to their twentieth league title, led by our once fragile enigma of a centre forward. These humbling moments remind me of why football, even for a fully grown human, can make the heart sink or the joy burst within us.

Tonight is a bad night for Gooners.

I will take my seat on Sunday, I wont hide. If we give them the guard of honour I’ll watch our squad closely, see if they feel the shame I feel. Will they embrace their erstwhile captain, will they wish him the best? Or will they stand stoic, save their platitudes for the end of the game. Who will dare take his shirt?

The new season begins on Sunday. There’s a lot broken in this squad, we don’t seem to have many bad losers anymore. Ferguson doesn’t see us as a threat so patronises us with faint praise. I want him to hate us again. This is the way it should be. But sad to say, we are not at their level yet. Let’s be clear, this is a pretty poor Manchester United team, but their manager sets them apart. You might loathe him, but he can get the best out of an average clogger (look at how lame the John O’Shea’s are when they leave) and he isn’t afraid to chop a superstar’s legs away and sell him. He always maintains a high standard.

And we’ll have to hear it from those cockney reds, who’ve been to Old Trafford less times than you, who don’t really know what it’s like. But this sense of superiority wont be a solace. We can only hope that next season we really will get rid of all the dead wood, the disgraceful high earners like Squillaci, who even refused to go on loan to Brighton because, I assume, he didn’t want to abandon his chic cafe culture in Hampstead. Or will they all go out on loan again and come back like dog farts infesting the curtains (N.b – I don’t own a dog, so I’m not sure if this is a realistic metaphor). Good riddance to them and their comfy chairs and silken drapes. Go. Leave us. Gel your hair and bleach your bum’ole somewhere else.

But this is a subject for another blog post (Arsenal squad problems, not bum’ole bleaching). Tonight - and I promise it gets fun later, bear with me and my Ingemar Bergman existentialism for a few paragraphs - is about the Shame, the Sadness and the Success.

In recent memory, two other defeats sit heavy in my gut. Losing the David Rocastle FA cup final against Liverpool in 2001. There was a lump in many a throat as Ryan Rocastle led out the Arsenal squad. But football is cruel. The Henchoz handball, the Michael Owen winner after we’d absolutely battered them. That night was so tragic nearly a dozen of us barricaded ourselves in a hotel room with a crate of beer and played Who Wants to Be A (Fucking) Millionaire on a laptop as the bar was full of dancing scousers. It feels embarrassing even writing that. But we did it. Oh the shame!

And more recently, the champions league final. We were in the first few rows, the rain pelted us the whole game. For an Arsenal fan, and it’s all relative of course, other teams have never been to any cup final – it was a lesson in humility. Almunia played like a terrified newly born calf, his big dead mackerel eyes, dull and staring, his Ronald McDonald hands throwing shapes in front of his face and his sullen jowls floundering as he tried to communicate to his defence. Oh and Eto’o was offside. But what can you do. This is football.

What makes Sunday sadder is no matter the result, it’s out of our hands. There is nothing we can do. Even if we win, it’s only to further our own ambition to finish in a Champions League place. We cannot change who the champions are. So this feels raw and horrible.

Which brings us on to the fun bit. Not many teams can count these good times on enemy turf.

- We won the league at Anfield.

- We won the league at White Hart Lane twice, which is as many times as Spurs have won the league in their whole history (A fact which can be rolled around the palate and savoured like a good Rioja).

 

Classic Goal

 

- We have won the league at Old Trafford. I was there. We had to sit with the home fans, with tickets marked “Manchester United South East Asia Supporters Club”, but we were there… six of us. Me, Des, Danny, Kev, Mark and Sean. We were the double agents, the South East Asia Supporters Club. We still are.

When we got back to the hotel bar that night, we watched the highlights on the telly and recreated the scene where Wiltord celebrated his goal. Mark King (@mzk90) was the leaping Kanu and I was Wiltord. Wiltord on the telly watches on. It’s one of my favourite photos. It was taken on a piece of crap disposable camera as well so the photographer (I think it was Danny) deserves praise for capturing the moment.

 

Kanu and Wiltord re-visited

 

That night we were the gloaters, the piss takers, we were the Kings. It will happen again. So chin up Gooners.